Bahh Bahh Black Sheep

I've officially become the black sheep of the universe.

It seems that in almost all areas of my life, I'm not fitting in. Case and point, my current Writing For Film class at UMBC. I spoke about my lack of connection with the teacher in my last post. I'm afraid, it's getting worse.

Last night, that class was honestly a feat to sit thru. I sat thru the whole thing (3 and half hours), made not one comment. Sat right there on the front row and couldn't even look this teacher in the eye. It was damn awkward. The moment it was over, I just jetted out of there. The teacher--let's call her Mrs Scooby Doo, because she's a self-professed 'big Scooby Doo' fan--doesn't like my writing. She's obviously not a fan of Horror films. Yesterday, she handed back last week's assignments and she had plenty of comments to make about everyone's work except mine's. Not a good sign. I was just told that I should have used the term 'agoraphobic' to describe one of my characters (the character actually isn't agoraphobic, but I didn't want to argue the point with her). And that my writing was 'choppy'. This is fine, because I couldn't put that much time into the assignment. My writing was indeed choppy; will do better next time.

But, I can tell she has absolutely no taste for Horror. Can't blame her much. Many people disdain horror films. But, as a teacher, she should have the ability to qualify good screenwriting regardless of the genre it's in. She doesn't seem to have this ability.

The next two and a half months are going to be the longest ever. Because I will have to sit in this class, clenching my teeth, not having my writing appreciated, and not getting any feedback worth shit on my scripts. The irony is that I fought so hard just to sign up--and pay tuition--for this class. And it's turning out to be hell on earth!

I already paid my very hard-earned money for the class, so I'm determined to make it thru. I won't change the subject matter of my scripts either. If Mrs Scooby Doo doesn't like Horror she can go to hell. I will stand my ground, and write what I must write.

Plenty of people don't understand that there such things as intelligent, classy, exciting, subversive Horror films. Very well-regarded filmmakers like David Lynch, David Cronenberg, Luis Bunuel, Guillermo Del Toro (who's wowing audiences at movie theaters nationwide right now with PAN'S LABYRINTH) and many others have made respectable, artful horror films. I've interest in other types of films, but I can't deny that the first films I wish to make are frankly horror films. Mrs Scooby Doo apparently feels the whole world of filmmakers should be producing Disney-styled animation.

Ugh. Blah.

I will stand my ground in this class. I will sit thru each and every damn class. I will participate. I will hand my assignments. And I will pass this class. I don't care what Mrs Scooby Doo and her pack of 20-something young pups feel about my writing. I will stand for my cinematic vision. Every filmmaker's who's worth a damn has had to the same.

Regardless, I'm taking a break from Baltimore this weekend and heading back down to the Nevermore Film Festival in Durham, NC. This should be a good, refreshing mini-vacation from all this bullshit of late.

I can't make video blogs (vlogs) for now. Too busy. When I get back from Nevermore, I'll do another vlog.

Woooooh. I need to re-lax. I need a cup of hot cocoa (should have brought some with me too work this morning). Let me get some work done.. Go home and continue preparing for this weekend at NC.

Snow Day

Had a snow day today. We got about 3 inches of snow overnight; not considerable. But it was the freezing rain that kept most people indoors today. Social Security, my employer, didn't think to close for the day--and I really think the person in charge who made such a decision had to be a bit out of his mind. When I call to let them know I wasn't coming for the day, the guy who picked up the phone said that only two people had showed up and that there were fifty-something callouts. Considering that the call center I work at has hundreds of employees, I think most people wisely chose to stay home today.

I sometimes hate snow days, because I can't find anything useful to do while stuck at home all day, but I did manage to be productive. I dug out my car a bit, did some cleaning, and started reaning CRYPTOLOGY, a film script Pierre Walters asked me to read about two weeks ago. I have to finish reading it in the next day or so and give Pierre my thoughts.

It's Valentine's Day, but the day has little to no significance for me as I'm single. But, hey, Happy Valentine's Day to you, dear reader, out there, whoever you may be.

I have started my Spring class at UMBC. Yesterday was my third sessions. I'm taking a class titled 'Writing for Film', and it meets once a week on Tuesday nights. It's very, very strange being back there, sitting in the same room where I took film courses over ten years ago. I still feel very uncomfortable, like a fish out of water, even on my third session. I'm sitting there with kids who are in their twenties, and there I am, 13 years older than them, with very mature, and different, ideas as to what constitutes great filmmaking. The teacher seems oright, but I don't think she cares for me much--I attempted to introduce myself to her last week, and told her a bit about my special situation (returning to UMBC after 10 years to finish my Film degree), but she couldn't care less. Either that, or her attention span was just too taxed by too many twenty-year undergrads asking her questions.

Oh, well.. I know what my purpose is for taking the class, so I don't care if I strike a connection with the teacher--I'm there for unfinished business. I'm there to move forward with my life, my goals as a filmmaker. I gotta keep my eyes on that prize.

So far, winter's treating me ok.. It's probably because I've become such a habitual coffee drinker that I'm doing much better this winter season than I did the past couple of years. I'm being more productive, and haven't felt too depressed.

Things are tight for me on the financial front because of paying my school tuition and really buckling down and deciding to start killing my considerable credit card debt. I must be extremely discipline with my spending, and saving, thru the rest of the spring. It's going to be tough... paying all that debt, but I gotta keep my credit if I'm going to buy a house, or another car, or maybe even finance a feature film, in the next two years or so. I've been looking for a part-time job since the holidays... something not to hard that I can get paid to do on weekends, but so far, no such luck. That part-time weekend job hasn't materialized. I will keep looking, though.

I've budgeted to take a trip out of town in about a couple of weeks. I'll be going back to the Nevermore Film Festival in Durham, NC. I'll be enjoying horror films and reporting on the festival for my site, Horror-101.com. I'm looking forward to it. I can really use a break from the bleak Baltimore winter weather.

Lastly, I've been doing lots of thinking about my life. I'm very focused on my goals--school, indie film, Horror-101, etc. I've started to consider that I might just move out of Baltimore in the next couple of years. The main reason is that my life just doesn't seem to be 'blossoming' here, in terms of romantic relationships. Certainly, many of my close friendships are no longer such. I've begun to feel that my life is somewhere out there, not here in Baltimore. I really don't want to move.. but I just can't continue to have lonely Christmases and Holiday seasons. Perhaps a move to New York, or Los Angeles, is just what I need to make to find some happiness.

It would be very hard to move out of Baltimore. I really wanted (still want) to make significant indie films in this town.. to put it on the map.. But the town, the people, the film community.. just doesn't seem to be giving me much back. I dunno.. maybe things will change.

Gotta go and get me some grub. Happy Valentine's Day, Armando.. Maybe no one's in love with you, but you must give it to yourself.