Slowing the hell down

The past couple of days have been kinda dramatic. I had a talk with Shane on Monday night, and apologized to him for having left him stranded on Saturday night. Shane has agreed that we need to take a break on the friendship, because he most concentrate on learning to control his illness.

That by itself didn't clear me out of the woods. Today, I was feeling great because I finished my short script, 'The Blade'. I turned it in class today. Not to tout my own horn, but I think it's really good script, and could make for a really good film in the future. The good feeling of having finished the first short script for the class didn't last long--My supervisor had to have another one of 'those chats' with me. You know--the 'you're not performing well, and you might get fired' chat.

Because I was bummed about the incident with Shane on Saturday, my performance at work on Monday suffered. It just happened to be that day that my supervisor decided to do her monthly check up on me. Not good.

We talked for a while, and I tried my best to excuse my poor performance. We leveled with one another about expectations, rendering better service at work, yadda, yadda. I still have my job... but the issue is... for how long?

You see, I'm sick and tired of working at Social Security. I've been there for 8 years. 8 overlong, mind-numbing years. I gotta get out.. and I gotta get out soon.

After going to class I did some long, hard thinking about the past few days. I've been over-stressed. I've given myself way too many goals.. and I gotta slow the hell down. I need to buckle down at work, and seriously start the process of looking for another job (working on that resume, searching for jobs, applying, etc).

At the rate that I'm going, working full-time, going to school part-time, trying to raise Horror-101, wanting to finish 'Pretentious Pooch', and writing future scripts, I will burn-out if I don't do something, if I don't slow down. I've decided that I'm going to spread my goals much further than before.. prioritize.. and truly give myself the time to tackle major projects, such as a new job search, more concretely. I will also be taking time off for myself at a more periodic pace. I still want to be an indie filmmaker, but I have to accept that I gotta take responsibility for my current job situation, and find a realistic way to get the hell out of Social Security.

Also, I'm a part-time filmmaker.. and a part-time webmaster. I gotta slow down in pursuing those creative goals, and take my time writing scripts and putting together the funding and crew for future projects.

I can't afford to burnout again.. I did so over ten years, and that start my long trail of troubles. I gotta a chance here to make some movies that will worth a damn, but I gotta slow down, and take the time to smell the flowers.

I'll keep you updated, dear reader, as to how these changes go down.